The Right to Bare Arms (and legs)

For the past few days I’ve been visiting a country where traditionally women have dressed very conservatively. In recent years, that’s changed a lot and I would guess now 50 percent or more of women wear Western style clothes.

As I wandered around the city in my shorts (not too short) and tank (not too skimpy), I got fondled by a man on the street…a full-on butt grab.

I pushed him away and he walked quickly into the crowd. I was left feeling disrespected and frustrated. I started to think, “Well, maybe it’s my fault because I’m not conservatively dressed?” Then I checked myself: Wait! In no imaginable scenario did I deserve to have my butt grabbed! And in no situation should the man who did it think that it was “okay.”

It got me thinking about this idea of “asking for it.” The answer is, no one, no matter how they’re dressed is “asking for” anything. Everyone should have the right not to be touched inappropriately. No one deserves it based on how they act or carry themselves.

We live in a society in Canada that often labels girls as “sluts” based on what they wear more than their actions. On the other hand, there are worries about girls wearing overly sexualized clothing (check out this article about Gossip Girl’s Taylor Momsen, for example). For me, regardless of what you wear, it still doesn’t mean that a girl is “asking for” sex, sexual harassment, or even rape.

What do you think about this idea of girls who wear revealing clothes as “asking for it”? Where does “empowered” end and “slut” start?

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3 responses to “The Right to Bare Arms (and legs)”

Chantelle
March 4th, 2011 at 09:18

Hey there. I have followed your blog on and off since Girls issues are at the core of what I do and who I am. I run a school for 60 girls (12-19) in Niger, Africa, the poorest worst off country in the world. It is also a Muslim country. I am a young Canadian women. Clearly their style of dress is not mine. I am not comfortable wearing long skirts all the time, or wearing a veil for “public” appearances. I don’t wear a veil in the classroom nor do a bunch of the girls since it is a place that is safe for girls and no men are allowed to enter during the school hours. One of the big things we teach the girls is about respect. I think it is core to the issue you talked about above. You are right that you were not asking to be grabbed. When you say 50% of the women wear western clothing, do they wear shorts and tank tops too? I have traveled extensively in the arab and european world but I know it does change country to country what is acceptable culturally and not. No amount of clothing choice should ever give a man the right to attack a young women or to yell at her or leer or anything else. You are well within your rights to wear what you want. Was it a hot country? I can imagine it felt much better to wear shorts and a tank top. You are well within your rights to wear what you want. However, i want to challenge you that the issue is not about your rights. While you are within your rights as a human to wear what you want, you are disrespecting their culture when you do it. As much as it might feel like infringement on what you want, remember it is not all about you. I receive much more grace, friendship, genuine expressions of joy and especially respect when I dress for what is culturally respectable. I wear skirts all the time down to my ankles and cover my shoulders at all times. Not so comfortable all the time, but it is not all about me. As a young white woman in these country you also represent their stereotype and most of them think of white women as what they see on tv – young, loose, floosy, wearing nothing but skimpy clothing. Unfortunately when i travel I have seen throngs of young women just reinforce this stereotype by not being respectful and aware of the local culture. On the other hand, by dressing modestly, it is helping to dispel the stereotype of what “young white women” are like to them, which to me is an even greater role than being able to wear what you want when traveling on any given day.
So try to look at it from that angle maybe. Sure you are within your rights to wear what you want, and he was a complete jerk and completely wrong to grab your butt. But what is the greater picture and would he have done it if you had been dressed differently? Sometimes to truly gain a global perspective and respect others, we have to give up a little bit of our individuality and “rights” in areas like clothing that aren’t truly core to us as human beings. Just my thoughts.

Kate Jongbloed
March 7th, 2011 at 16:12

Thanks Chantelle…I think you’re absolutely right. The best way to fit in with a culture is to respect their cultural norms about clothing and covering up, and working to dispel ideas about young white women.

Reply

ellen
March 8th, 2011 at 19:33

i feel as though, women have a right to wear what they want, because for a great many girls, it’s about expressing yourself. Being a teenage girl myself, i know and see so many of my friends dress very differently. For example, one of my friends is very mature and conservative, her hair is always in a bun and she wears minimal makeup, while another one of them is a true rocker chick with spacers and piercings. Its the same reason why we see people with such eccentric makeup, or some really wild outfits on run way models. that is someone’s art, and the way they chose to express themself. Not to mention in the case of teen girls, we are still figuring out who we are, and fashion is a big part in that. And you know what, that is fine with me. But it’s when a girl is dressing a certain way for a guy. If they think that we are meant to wear see- through low -cut tops, and short shorts, they are sadly mistaken.

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Question and Answer with…Me! « Because I am a Girl Blog March 4th, 2011 at 09:04

[...] challenged as a girl? How did you respond? Just this summer while I was traveling in Europe, I had an encounter with a man that made me furious. The experience inspired me to write a blog post about my rights, and my arms and [...]

Chantelle
March 4th, 2011 at 09:18

Hey there. I have followed your blog on and off since Girls issues are at the core of what I do and who I am. I run a school for 60 girls (12-19) in Niger, Africa, the poorest worst off country in the world. It is also a Muslim country. I am a young Canadian women. Clearly their style of dress is not mine. I am not comfortable wearing long skirts all the time, or wearing a veil for “public” appearances. I don’t wear a veil in the classroom nor do a bunch of the girls since it is a place that is safe for girls and no men are allowed to enter during the school hours. One of the big things we teach the girls is about respect. I think it is core to the issue you talked about above. You are right that you were not asking to be grabbed. When you say 50% of the women wear western clothing, do they wear shorts and tank tops too? I have traveled extensively in the arab and european world but I know it does change country to country what is acceptable culturally and not. No amount of clothing choice should ever give a man the right to attack a young women or to yell at her or leer or anything else. You are well within your rights to wear what you want. Was it a hot country? I can imagine it felt much better to wear shorts and a tank top. You are well within your rights to wear what you want. However, i want to challenge you that the issue is not about your rights. While you are within your rights as a human to wear what you want, you are disrespecting their culture when you do it. As much as it might feel like infringement on what you want, remember it is not all about you. I receive much more grace, friendship, genuine expressions of joy and especially respect when I dress for what is culturally respectable. I wear skirts all the time down to my ankles and cover my shoulders at all times. Not so comfortable all the time, but it is not all about me. As a young white woman in these country you also represent their stereotype and most of them think of white women as what they see on tv – young, loose, floosy, wearing nothing but skimpy clothing. Unfortunately when i travel I have seen throngs of young women just reinforce this stereotype by not being respectful and aware of the local culture. On the other hand, by dressing modestly, it is helping to dispel the stereotype of what “young white women” are like to them, which to me is an even greater role than being able to wear what you want when traveling on any given day.
So try to look at it from that angle maybe. Sure you are within your rights to wear what you want, and he was a complete jerk and completely wrong to grab your butt. But what is the greater picture and would he have done it if you had been dressed differently? Sometimes to truly gain a global perspective and respect others, we have to give up a little bit of our individuality and “rights” in areas like clothing that aren’t truly core to us as human beings. Just my thoughts.

- Kate Jongbloed
  March 7th, 2011 at 16:12
  
  Thanks Chantelle…I think you’re absolutely right. The best way to fit in with a culture is to respect their cultural norms about clothing and covering up, and working to dispel ideas about young white women.
  
ellen
March 8th, 2011 at 19:33

i feel as though, women have a right to wear what they want, because for a great many girls, it’s about expressing yourself. Being a teenage girl myself, i know and see so many of my friends dress very differently. For example, one of my friends is very mature and conservative, her hair is always in a bun and she wears minimal makeup, while another one of them is a true rocker chick with spacers and piercings. Its the same reason why we see people with such eccentric makeup, or some really wild outfits on run way models. that is someone’s art, and the way they chose to express themself. Not to mention in the case of teen girls, we are still figuring out who we are, and fashion is a big part in that. And you know what, that is fine with me. But it’s when a girl is dressing a certain way for a guy. If they think that we are meant to wear see- through low -cut tops, and short shorts, they are sadly mistaken.

Question and Answer with…Me! « Because I am a Girl Blog March 4th, 2011 at 09:04

[...] challenged as a girl? How did you respond? Just this summer while I was traveling in Europe, I had an encounter with a man that made me furious. The experience inspired me to write a blog post about my rights, and my arms and [...]